Here's Johnny

KAT
Hello?

MOTHER
Hi... there's a movie on we've started to watch, was wondering if you'd seen it.

KAT
What is it?

MOTHER
It's called The Shining..

KAT
Oh no no no. You don't want to watch that -wait. You haven't seen The Shining?

MOTHER
No. Your father's watching it.

KAT
Dad won't like it.

MOTHER
Why not?

KAT
It's scary.

MOTHER
Scary how?

KAT
Haunted-hotel-ghosts-driving-you-to-kill-people kind of scary. It's Stephen King. And Kubrick. And Jack Nicholson. It's scary.

MOTHER
Oh. Peter? You don't want to watch this one.

FATHER
Why not?

MOTHER
It's got Jack Nicholson.

And now I hide my head in shame.

I thought I'd share some embarrassing celebrity moments. You know, just to make you all feel better when you finally meet Paris Hilton and she doesn't call you hot.

Maria from Sesame Street:
I was in the US working at a camp in upstate NY. Part of your camp duty was that you were rostered on to different jobs around camp a few nights a week, and towards the end of the summer I was rostered on to work in the canteen with a few of the Australians. We were serving pizza and icecream and it was also Visiting weekend, so we were serving the parents as well.

I noticed a familiar woman waiting in line. I nudged one of the guys:

KAT
Isn't that Maria from Sesame Street?

MARK
Yeah. Her oldest kid goes here.

KAT
Cool!

I moved over to another window and handed out some pizza and when I came back to the middle window, Maria was standing in front of me. She smiled and asked for strawberry.

KAT
Oooh hi.

MARIA
Hello..?

KAT
You taught me the alphabet!

MARIA
.....


---


Greg Page (director):
I fell asleep on his set. I'd been up til 3am the night before in a right state, crying and such, and by the end of the filming day I just couldn't stay awake. I believe my mouth hung open, too. He said he didn't want to wake me. I was so embarrassed. That's true proof of how messed up I felt before my partner left the country - I let it affect my work like that.


---


Bernadette Peters:
After I loitered around the stage door before the show, not daring to go near her (even though she was out there talking to a fan and I would have been much more coherent), I waited til after the show to try and meet her and get a picture. She's only my idol and all. I'd only travelled right across the world to get to NYC/Broadway to see her in a show. (Oh if only I'd prepared myself). I believe it went something like this...

KAT
Bernadette!

BERNADETTE
Hello.

KAT
I'm from New Zealand. I love you. I want to do Broadway- *breaks down into sobs*

WOMAN BEHIND ME
She's only been standing out here crying for 15 minutes.

BERNADETTE
Oh, er..

KAT
Um. Can I get a picture?

BERNADETTE
Well, sure-

Kat turns awkwardly and points. Amy shoots. Bernadette moves on.


Wow, the professionalism. I guess everyone is a fangirl sometimes.

A whole new person.

She's here. Hello, Violet. You're beautiful.

The end

Break-ups are never easy.

My relationship is over.

There it is, I've said it. I feel completely sick doing so, but it needs to be said (or typed, whatever). So there it is, it's out there now.

And the worst thing about putting that out there, however, is that now you have to accept it.

It starts so beautifully.. you have this amazing relationship: a man who is a constant in your life for 4-5 years. Your best friend as well as partner. Someone you love to that blind stage where you couldn't possibly imagine it ending. Where you picture the marriage and the babies and your name with theirs tacked on the end. Your friends can't imagine you ever not being together. You do everything together. You talk for hours every night. Hate being apart. And then you think that soon you'll be moving in together and taking it to that next level.. and suddenly he's gone.

You're not quite sure how it happened, really. There was a break and he left the country (or the other way around) and there was this constant hope of getting back together. He talked about it, you talked about it.. you both wanted it on and off. And he explained that though he loved you, he wasn't really in love with you, especially not across an ocean.

There's the crying-your-eyes-out-every-night stage, the angry stage, even the begging stage. There's wanting nothing to do with him and then contacting him daily. There's trying to forget him and not wanting to lose him.

Then you start to see that it's over. He no longer wants you. You try to deny it to yourself for months and your friends just keep telling you - and when you finally get past the mucking around and realise that when he comes home, it's not to you - there's the crumble. Those last few bricks fall down.

So you start to rebuild. It takes a long time - brick by brick. And some days they don't stick for long and they fall down again. But the construction continues.

And the more you tell yourself that he's not coming back, the more it actually sinks in. And one more brick sticks in place. You consider trying to win him back, and you do your best to be who he fell in love with.

But it's not you. And if you got him back, you know that it wouldn't be the same. He's hurt you too deep and you couldn't let go.

So it's the end. And the beginning. Brick by brick.